New Earth Institute Forum

The bedrock of our community is learning to communicate directly, honestly, and non-violently. One of the functions of the Forum is to openly discuss conflicts and find resolution. We practice conflict resolution in our weekly Forum and whenever an individual experiencing conflict calls a meeting.

Our weekly Forum deals with all manner of things. Meetings are opportunities to celebrate personal and group victories, express gratitude, give minor performances, plan events, discuss issues, and make group decisions. There are no taboo subjects here; everyone is free to speak his or her truth, even about controversial issues involving strong feelings or conflict.

Our Forum is devoted to having everyone learn to take responsibility for the effect of their words and actions on others. All members of the community will learn how to use the language of nonviolence in which everything can be communicated and can be done through a non-blaming conscious use of language.

We have definite rules to channel dialogues in constructive and healing directions. This is especially important when issues colored by shadow emerge, whenever personal conflict surfaces (when someone wants to express discomfort or anger or simply get a straight answer from an individual). We apply rules that have proven to be effective in promoting understanding and healing while eliminating scapegoating of others and the tendency to echo others complaints and criticisms ad nauseum. These rules are:

1. A leader is chosen to open and close the Forum and to remind people to abide by the rules.

2. The Forum is public; incidental comments and side conversations are forbidden.

3. Allow a silence of approximately 15 seconds after each person speaks.

4. You may begin speaking out of the silence. Speak in specifics, not generalities. When you speak, identify the person you are addressing, establish eye contact, and speak in a strong, clear voice so everyone can hear you. No whining or playing the victim. Take time to breathe deeply if you find it difficult to talk so everyone can hear you. Get to the point and indicate when you are finished speaking.

5 If someone is talking directly to you, you need to look him or her in the eyes and listen until they have finished what they want to say. Then you repeat what you heard using your own words. Next you need to respond directly to him or her.

6. If you are objecting to somebody’s behavior, preface your remarks and observations by first noting something you admire about that person and also recall how and when you have done something similar to what you are objecting to.

7. At all time demonstrate respect for everyone present.

We often discuss techniques for co-creation in our meeting. The ultimate quest for each human being is to create an environment in answer to her or his deepest needs. The ability to co-create what the heart desires requires practice! So many activities at New Earth Institute serve as practicum in creative, fruitful living. Our intention is not to prepare human beings for later life, but to permit them to live and learn now, in the moment, as creative beings.
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1 comment:

  1. UnknownMarch 26, 2010 at 8:06 AM

    Jay, This is the heart of the school. I think it is simply and well described. I went to your first school and know first had that the conversations, the meetings you describe here are not a dream. The rules work.

    I also think it would be good to clarify how one goes about learning non-violent communication. It has to happen in meeting but it also has to happen in smaller units of communication. Sometimes, when a conversation is very difficult there can be both a communication of words and of tracking sensation, in both the speaker and the listener. Having other people present to notice if and when string reactions have been aroused and are speeding up the conversation can be helpful.

    Looks like this: Two people are learning to say something and hear something difficult from each other. Each has a support person who understands how to notice, track and help the person slow sensations in the body down.each person has about 5 minutes to speak. The language of non blame and acknowledgement of underlying feelings is supported. But at some point the speaker or listener is caught up in the speed of an emotional reaction and is no longer communicating, they are reacting. The support people ask for a time out and then track the reactivity either in the speaker or listener. This tracking is body based, not story based and is about calming the reactivity of the nervous system and perhaps noticing the expressions of need and feeling the sensation of reaction is mixed with. Quite often these are not attached to the story of the conversation alone but are deeper learned reactive habits, deeper moments of encased suffering, or deeper layers of assumption about the 'other'. When tracked these sensations can die down and communication can resume. In fact, because the dialogue partner A not presently reacting watches their dialogue partner B as he/she tracks the sensation, deeper understanding of the other comes about. The discussion morphs and the causes of difficult in the difficult conversation are unearthed.

    this type of activity might take place in smaller meeting, but as part of the heart and soul of the curriculum. Here people would explore is slower time the way the neurons habitually fire, what that feels like and how the fear engendered reactions, the fear of the shadow of being caught out , exposed, wrong, alone disconnected, etc. become miscommunication.

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