Conscious Communication vs. Hypocrisy

The depth and richness of our relationships depend on our ability to communicate, to articulate our needs, our thoughts and feelings, and to listen compassionately to others in turn. Most of the world’s problems stem from an inability to express our deepest needs in a way that invites a calm, honest response from others.

There is little danger that words of appreciation or affection engender conflict, but those loaded with vitriol and blame, poison the atmosphere for everybody and indicate the presence of shadow energy. Shadow energy forms whenever we censor ourselves believing our thoughts are unacceptable or evil. It is characterized by the presence of guilt, shame, fear, and a general sense of worthless when brought to consciousness.

Authentic communication is both memorable and transformative. We know when we experience it even if we cannot define it. Usually it involves emotional release, sharing sensitive information about the past, forgiveness, revelations, regrets, affection, inspirations, and/or aspirations. In the end it feels good. For many it is a rare occurrence.

Why is clear, honest communication so difficult, even for highly educated people who try to be good communicators? Some psychological schools of thought teach us that mankind is naturally hypocritical; it is human nature to take credit for the positive aspects of one’s personality, to cover up what is considered negative, to project onto others what we deny in ourselves, and in the end to blame “them” for all “their” faults. People eagerly take credit for their good qualities, yet project their shadows on a target of their choosing, making them wrong, bad, unacceptable, or evil.

Attempts at communication can easily degenerate into arguments about who is right and who is wrong, or into gossip that find faults with others who are not present. This self-serving, unconscious shadow boxing is divisive and polarizing. Self-righteous, competitive thought sabotages true communication. Words can be the devil. The universal desire to become loved and accepted by yourself, your family, and your acquaintances often undermines genuine verbal exchanges.

The human dilemma concerning light and dark, good and evil is illuminated by Robert Louis Stevenson’s “The Strange Case Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” This story illustrates the fall or polarization of mankind into good and bad, the deceptive, cover-up process we each experience and conveniently deny, converting us from truth tellers into hypocrites at an early age. The good, reputable doctor Dr. Jekyll disowns his “evil” shadow qualities, represented by the psychopath, Mr. Hyde. Often what is denied grows in strength and intensity, threatening to reveal its true nature. Jekyll’s friends eventually discover the evil murderer Hyde to be none other than the good Dr. Jekyll.

To appear good to ourselves and impress others, we split our psyche in two (Jekyll and Hyde); thereafter we either pretend to be only the shining, successful one, or the bad, unsuccessful one. This is process of dis-integration or splitting prevents us from being aware of our true nature. What we are left with is just a caricature of our former self.

Seeking praise and acceptance, each individual pretends to be (identifies with) what he perceives as his goodness, in order to become a model of socially acceptable thoughts, actions, and traits, while denying his shadow self, projecting his dark energies and thoughts onto others. Conversely those who consciously identify with badness, squelch their good quality. Either way, to reverse the dis-integrating process, we must re-integrate light and shadow, good and evil. By accepting and identifying with our shadow as well as our light, we become whole again, re-gaining integrity.

Shadows have compelling force, especially among people who assume that some people are good and worthy while others are bad and worthless. We-are-good-and-they-are-bad or us-versus-them is a ubiquitous game of group deception where we become consciously convinced of our virtue and our superiority. Subconsciously however, our shadow gains power; subconsciously we are unable forgive ourselves and others and judge ourselves as being unworthy and unlovable, despite all our conscious efforts to be good

Paradoxically, learning to work consciously with shadow energy can spontaneously incite empowerment, transformation, and self-acceptance, both for an individual and for a community. Carl Jung, a luminary among psychologists, proved in his practice that the element in the human psyche with the greatest potential to transform hypocrites into loving, compassionate people is the shadow. But only if shadow, like a frog in a fairy tale, is kissed by the power of love and acceptance; when we embraces shadow, we become whole. Jung observed that the inhumanity of hypocritical people (mostly men) compulsively and unconsciously promulgates the atrocities of mass murder and war. “Weapons of mass destruction,” random violence, military adventures, large prison populations proliferate in “good“ societies that deny their shadows.

A spiritually based education must arise from free choice. Compulsory education that denies spirit and soul, and the legitimacy of feelings, intuitions, inspirations; that chains students to desks for most of the day away from fresh air and sunlight; that values conformity and obedience to authority figures above everything else, that strictly segregates according to age and grade; that excludes parents from participation in their child’s education; that is unresponsive to student’s desires and interests; that bars students from nature; that unnaturally regulates students behavior (requires permission to pee, to talk, to move away from one’s desk, etc.) is a sorry failure of man’s imagination.